I'm so excited to introduce you all to a new series I'm doing for the next three Fridays, the weeks leading up to Father's Day. 

I've written about Father's Day in the past. I've written about how awesome my husband is and how lucky I am to have him as the father to our kids. I've written about my own dad. And I tell everyone I know about my incredibly strong mom and how she was a mom and a dad to me for many years. 

Then I started thinking. I know a lot of great men. And I'd love to hear their perspective on fatherhood. Then I thought maybe you'd like to read about it, too. 

And thus, this series was born. I have three guest writers coming your way over the next three weeks. Each at a different phase in fatherhood (preschoolers; elementary school aged kids; teenagers). Each coming from a different perspective (fathers, step-fathers). 

Up first is a college friend of my husband's, Jon. Over the years I've become friends with both him and his wife (she's a middle school English teacher--something I once did, but that seems like a lifetime ago) and love both of them dearly. Jon is an interesting man--he openly calls himself "curmudgeonly" but he is also one of the smartest, most loyal, funniest guys you'll meet. 

So, without further ado...

Week One of a Father's Perspective: Mr. Jon Tortomasi

(father of two boys, 8 and 11)

Hey all – Jon Tortomasi here. I’m a friend of the Mutchler family and a father to two terrific sons. I’m also a big fan of Sara’s blogging. And while Sara’s blog is unswervingly ‘Mom-based’ (and maybe a bit ‘Mom-biased’), I enjoy the perspective and it also acts a bit of a retrospective for me, as my sons are a bit older than B & E.

At any rate, with Father’s Day coming soon, I’ve been asked to share a few of my parenting thoughts and observations from the Dad perspective, so I’ll attempt to do just that. Let me start at the beginning:

My wonderful wife and I got married almost 15 years ago. It is absolutely no cliché to say that I have no idea how she has put up with me all this time, but here we sit with two boys, Jax and Jace (8 and 11). I don’t think it’s all that unusual to say that in our early twenties, we didn’t really know if we wanted kids, or at least didn’t feel very strongly about it one way or the other.

After fleeing grad school for the private sector and a slightly better paycheck in my mid-twenties, I started working with other professionals, many with young children. And many who first had children in their mid- to late-30s. Something changed on my attitudes toward becoming a parent. It wasn’t some burgeoning wellspring of life force beckoning me to procreate. It was much simpler and far less profound.

Overwhelmed by the number of older colleagues constantly complaining about how worn down they were by their kids, I was terrified of being worn down by my own kids. There was no way I was going to be too tired to play catch or ride bikes with my own children. And so I became committed to the idea that if I was going to have kids, it was going to be sooner than later. I conferred with the old ball and chain, and she agreed that it was now or never. And she (only half) jokingly insisted, ‘no daughters’ (as a middle school teacher she could not abide living with an attitude she knew all too well). Luckily for her, my Y chromosomes were up to the task.

Now I’m over a decade into my role as a father. I am surely not the best Dad. I yell too much. I am sometimes inconsistent. I’m too demanding at times. Despite my flaws, I am lucky enough that my boys still want to call me Dad and hang around their father.

Over these 10-plus years of mediocre dadsmanship, I can say without a doubt that each year gets more interesting. It also has made me realize how bland those early infant and toddler years really are. It may sound callous to say, but watching your own child learn to walk or speak their first words are pretty damn insignificant moments.   I say this only because virtually every normal, healthy child on the planet learns to do these things. Yes, they might have been exciting little milestones along the way, but they didn’t necessarily generate any sense of pride in my being a father. I just don’t get excited over the accomplishment of expectations. Which is not to say any other parent shouldn’t place value on the customary moments they prioritize for their memories of parenting. Document and celebrate however you see fit.

For me, the really rewarding aspect of fatherhood exists in the form of seeing my sons’ finding their way to who they really are as individuals. Seeing them develop their own set of skills, interests, and abilities (and dealing with the bumps along the way) is a trip like no other. At times my (and Jessie’s) parental presence influences them to be similar to one or both of their parents. At others, they completely surprise me and go the other direction. And I can’t figure it out, which makes it all the more exciting and interesting.

Seeing how Jax handled his first real struggle with academics (in his case reducing improper fractions) and his subsequent response to my attempted tutoring (it didn’t go well, despite Dad’s strong background in math and science), was far more interesting and memorable to me than when he ate his first solid food. Teaching Jace how to season and grill his favorite pork chops at his own request, beats any long faded memory of his first tooth coming in. Helping Jax deal with his post-game disappointment from trying to stretch that triple into a Home Run, only to get thrown out at the plate, torpedoes a preschool graduation below the waterline and sinks it in seconds. These are just a taste of the many little moments unique to my sons that I cherish far more than any of the traditional milestones.

In the end, each small moment I cherish may not mean nearly as much to my boys as to me. And they probably won't think much about if these moments play a part in making them who they will become. But the sum of these slices of life are greater than the whole when it comes to understanding who they are, and is, ultimately, why I enjoy being a Dad.

*****

If you want more of Jon, you can find him on Twitter (@JTorto40). If you do follow him, be warned: you'll find lots of "Detroit Tigers whining, comic book observations, Gopher hand wringing, and the occasional bandanna wearing fashion tip" (his words, not mine). And he is not on Facebook...ask him why. I dare you.

I truly love Jon's perspective of the "little moments" unique to his sons that he cherishes far more than any of the "traditional milestones." Sometimes I feel compelled to make note of the big moments in my kids' lives (or as big as they can get at this age, touché, Jon) but it's always the smaller moments or the surprise moments that are much more important to their growth/development and have deeper meaning for me, as a parent. Thanks for sharing your perspective, Jon!

xo Sara

{P.S. Come back next Friday for the next in this series, a step-father's perspective of inheriting two teenage girls after having no kids...what a lucky man!}